


His Way Back Home

by Minimalliar



Category: Mewgulf, TharnType the Series (TV), Waanjai
Genre: BL, Inspired by Real Events, Love, M/M, MewGulf - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-13
Updated: 2020-05-13
Packaged: 2021-03-03 04:55:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,222
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24159232
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Minimalliar/pseuds/Minimalliar
Summary: Seeing his broad back against my wide eyes sends me some hurtful heartbeat. What is this feeling? Its sorrowful, varies with melancholy emotion that I dont want to admit for a while now. I know. So well that I dont want to think much about it,but still... seeing him turning his back from me... ready to let me go as his co-partner, and maybe, he will joint his hand that used to hold mine with his new partner in the future,my feet run by itself.
Relationships: Mew Suppasit Jongcheveevat/Gulf Kanawut Traipipattanapong
Comments: 2
Kudos: 68





	His Way Back Home

I could see my surroundings. I could hear well the noises that happen around me. I can even see what happen behind me with the help of the sliding door that reflects like a mirror for me. Its kind of convivial, although today is the last day of shooting for the upcoming drama called TharnType The Series. Yeah, its too lively, as if they all dont feel as depress as I do right now. Why they dont feel the same way as I do?

"Yai Nong... are you really okay now?". I startled to the mellow, husky voice that made me woke up from focusing onto my surroundings. How could I forget that Im embracing a warmth that will certainly departed from my whole being soon? This body, this touch, this voice that always, always glued to me... its all will be gone. Thats why I asked. Am I really the only one that feels like I wanted to cry anytime soon?

What's got into me... Is it because Im still concave myself as Type? That's the reason, right? I usually could get out from my character with the help of Phi Mew's hug, but not this time. Although we're in the situation where wrapping our hands around each other is already a normal sight to others, to me, for today, its not enough.

I cant find myself to reply back, but I could only show how I feel by tugging his back shirt tight.

'I cant let you go yet, Khun Phi ...' is the only thing that I think about for now. 

"Its ok... take your time as much as u need, Yai Nong...Phi's here naa". The voice speaks again, serenading itself through my ears before it reached my heart to beat and my mind to react. He knew then. He know what I feels now. That's why Phi Mew said like that. How kind he is to me even in times like this. Despite taking this chance to talk more with other crews and staffs that he will surely will not gonna meet as often as he will with me, he leave those behind for the sake of comforting the self-centered me that only need his hug.

I couldnt care less about the camera that catching our moment like usual. I dont care either how other co-workers teasing us for being like this. I dont wanna care. 

I Just wanted to be with Phi Mew. Just for a little bit longer.

"Gulf...". Im trembling a bit. He called my name as if he wanted to be free from me. Is it a sign for me to retreat back and go back to normal? 

I clenched my eye lids. Im collecting my outmost braveness not to let me feelings flow out from my insides. Slowly, I craft a smile on my face, ready to let Phi Mew go. 

I slowly pushed him from me, staring onto his eyes for a moment, before I turned my back from him. This is my strongest behavior that I could hold in front of him. I dont want him to think that I need him in my entire life. We both are just a work partner. Nothing more, nothing less. It stopped at that term.

I could feel how his big hand pat my head. I pray that he will not gonna hold me at my waist or hugging me from behind and touch my tummy like he always do. If he did those things, my weak resolution will crumble to bits and, and ...

"Yai Nong? Gulf? Hey ... you're really not ok. What happen?". Mew asked. He asked my condition, right? Am i that obvious?

"Yeah, Nong Gulf. You're clearly upset and u're a bit pale. What happen, nong?". I turned to P'Viki, our project manager. She looked so concern for me. Her face expressed her worries and its for me.

I cant help but to turn to look at Phi Mew back, and exhaled a heavy air. I also know how to smile during difficult times strikes over. 

"Dont worry. I am fine now. Well, I guess its the last day today for all of us to meet together, of course I'll be sad. I like to work with all of you". Its a truth, but a part of me is literally asking me if I could add the important part to my sentences earlier.

I watched how Phi Mew throw his sweet smile to me, nodded and went from me to greet other people. 

.... I am alone now, arent I ...

***

So, this is it. After taking the group pics together, doing live with Phi Mew, thanking fans for always supporting us all and told them to watch the first episode that will air around October and having a last meal together as a big family, I guess that leaves me and Phi Mew alone at the street. My mae is not yet arrive, so Phi Mew asked if he could accompany me until my mae arrive. 

Is this means that Phi Mew also has something to say to me? He is, right?

We both went to sit at the bus stop near our ex shooting location, since the night sky already screamed that rainy weather will come out soon. 

At least, Im glad the rain will come soon, so that they can hide my heartbeat sound. Its so loud, like a drum. I cant control it, especially when Phi Mew's skin collides with mine at thighs. Although we both wear jeans, the warmth is spreading inside my skin. I can feel how hot Khun Phi is. 

"U sure u already call Khun Mae to pick u up? I can drive you home na". Im sure my breath hick a little after hearing his favor. 

If I take his invitation, I can spend more time with him. I can talk all of my feelings that I saved for him all this time. I can use this time to convey how I feel for him. 

"Yes I already have. She will be late since she has to help my pho first". I nonchalantly replied him. Dammit. 

I can hear him chuckling so I turned to him. His side profile is really so handsome. Countless time Ive been stealing glance to see this sides of him. Its inevitable. This 28 years old man is already born handsome. Huh ... Im jealous, sometimes, for this.

"So, I take that as a rejection for my invitation". 

.... Shit. I lost my chance. 

"Can phi ask u something, Gulf?". 

I abruptly looked at where Phi Mew's eyes revert. He's looking at my eye level. The sharp look he give me send me shiver down to my spine. Usually, Im not this loser. I can withstand his stare for a long time. How could I known that I already lost that credibility nowadays? If I stare at his dark, beautiful eyes, Im the one who will retreat back. The time is shockingly gets lesser as days passed. Im quite worried for that.

"Yes. U can ask me because we dont have much chance to talk face to face after this". 

IM A TOTAL IDIOT FOR SAYING LIKE THAT. Fuck me. My heart and my mouth dont synchronizing at all! Of course I panic for a little. "I mean, not its not like that phi". Hmph. Its too late to explain anyway.

Mew suddenly close the tiny gap between us, and rest his chin onto my shoulder. Its a regular regime he did everyday, but somehow, my heart beats crazily fast for this. Phi Mew's scent gets my smell instinct awake widely. A smell of him and a branded perfume still lingers even though we've being here since morning. 

"Dont say like that... we still have our upcoming events and fanmeetings. We also can also meet during our free times. Arent phi your friend too, Gulf? I can accompany you to the cinema. I can take you eat fancy dinner. I can also ask you to sleepover at my place. Hearing you say that earlier feels like you want to get rid of me...". Mew talked as he pout his lips forward, a sign that he's sulking and hurting from my words.

Never in my lifetime that I wanted to get rid of you. Im sorry. I said something vague to you. I really dont mean it. If only I cant mutter my apologise to him so easily ... I dont know what make me like this. Something is blocking me from talking normally with him. I just cant get it out from me since this morning. Something that separate me and my Khun phi to become this distant.

"Its not like that phi. Of course youre my friend. Why I want to get rid of you?". I mumbled on my own, without thinking. Partially because I dont want to make him wait for my asnwer.

Mew smiled. I saw it.

"Awwww Im still your friend. Im so glad. I thought that you dont want to be friend with me after the project ends. I like to work with you". 

Actually, Im annoyed. I dislike the term 'friend' here. 

We're both a mere friends. Really? Is it true, Phi Mew? We both only just a normal friend?

After those kissed we did off-screen, those hugs and cuddles we did behind the camera, those disputes and issues we both had until we cry onto each other's presence, and those touch that you practice on me for me to learn secretively... Isnt all of that, for the sake of a normal friend?

This phi really wanted to make me laugh, isnt he ...

I nudge him until he gets up and look at me. I know that look. A look of confusion. A look that I experience when Tharn was looking at Type weirdly when he found out that Type had problems with P'San behind his back and he didnt know that. Screw P'San and him that time. No one understand me anyway. 

"Friend? Hhaha. Why I find it so funny to my ears, na Khun Phi? Arent you feeling it weird calling me your friend with what we already did together in the past? No friend kiss secretly. No friend will take much effort to know each other better than their own parents. No friend that video calling and lineing each other every day. At least its not a normal terms". 

I said it, didnt I ... Only 1/3 of my feelings that I managed to throw out on his face. He do look stunned. His eyes enlarge, as if he's hearing a bad news. I expect this expression from him, but I still get hurt with it.

After a moment, Phi Mew's face changed. He looked dejected. He lowered his stares. I can sense as much as that difference. It hurts.

"Then... what do yai nong wants to hear from me?". Phi Mew's eyes went back to my eye level. This time, he seemed certain about something. I cant yet to recognise what is it that he certain for. My feelings?

"Its what Phi have to think. Not me". I averted his eyes. He hurt too. 

"Can I touch your hands, yai nong? Even just a finger is fine for me". Asked Mew. Gulf tensed up as he could feel the familiar touch on his hands. Can he resist them? No! He will never push that touch. He love it. He need it in his life. He dont need any other touch other than Mew's. "Suit yourself". Yes. Im a loser for Phi Mew.

Mew dragged the younger hands and put them on his thigh as he clammed his palm together with the other. It always surprised Gulf how his hand fits perfectly in Mew's grip. It confuse him always, but he love the idea of him being a perfect match for Mew. So much.

"So, this is what that has bothering you since this morning ....".

Gulf didnt look at Mew. He was looking at his right side. He's shy. Mew was touching his hands in a very soft way. The hunk's thumb was rubbing the younger's hand and it felt different from before. Still, the younger didnt reply. He remained silence. 

"I like you a lot, yai nong. So much. Is that what you wanted to hear?". 

What?? 

By reflex, I snatched my hand back from his grip. The word that he utter just now, really hurt me. He's taking this lightly. He dont see my worries seriously. He's so rude. Im so stupid that I had my hopes up and wait for him to convey some sentence that I wanted to hear. 

Im really an idiot. 

But, his hand was being grabbed back and now, its firmly wrapped with both Mew's hand. 

"Look at me, Gulf. Look at phi. I wanted to confess something and I know you dont want to hear it but now, I think this is the right time for me to tell you". 

No. Im scared. Im not ready to hear the rejection. Maybe he will say that he's already have someone in his life. Maybe he cant see me as his potential lover. Maybe.. maybe.. he-

"Look at me!". Mew pulled Gulf's scared face toward his and pulled him closer. 

Gulf stopped everything that he thought and feel. His focus was now only to Mew. The look of trust and love was beaming from Mew's dark eyes. He was trying to tell Gulf that all this time,

"I dont like you". Said Mew, making Gulf tried to escaped but Mew only brought him closer to his face, more than before. Gulf could feel Mew's hot breathe. His heartbeat raced so fast but he's glad that the rain was covering up the sounds. He'll be wasted if Mew heard him. However, hearing Mew said that he didnt like him, was like, he's jumping on the surface full of thorns.

"I love you. So much I dont ever want you to know how I feel for you, Gulf. I will never tell you how much I want you in my life. I would never let you know that I love you too much I cant stand being far away from you, even if we're just under a 'friend' name, I still can be with you like that. Im scared, Gulf. Im afraid! How can I say that I want you since I know that you dont see me that way? I tried my best to act as your friend in need. You only need me as a friend that can help you. Am I right?".

A voice at the back of my head force me to kill the person in front of me, but the voice inside my heart wants me to cry. How about me? What do I want to do after I know this information? After I heard Phi Mew's confession? 

Slowly, Mew let go of Gulf and leaned back to his original position before he wiped his own tears. He then smiled.

No matter how he hurt himself, seeing the frozen Gulf who didnt even move an inch after hearing him was just really affecting him. He thought that Gulf was disgusted. Yes. That what he interpreted from Gulf's silence.

"As much as I want to accompany you here, I think I will go back now. I think your mae will be here in no time. Are you ok being here alone?". 

Mew asked like as if nothing is happening. He's trying to run. After he confess, he have heart to leave me hanging alone? What am I, a puppet?? I have heart too! And I love him so much too!

Yes. That's it. I love him too. So much I dont want to lose him. I want him to be mine until I die. I aleady decide that after I met him since the first time I met him right? 

I run away from my hidden feeling. Im scared that he will not accepting me. Thats what been clouding me since morning. Im scared that I will lose him, even for a friend.

"Here. Wear this. Well, accept my jacket as our friendship token. We will meet again at KAZZ Sport Day soon but, I wanna say, thank you for everything, Yai Nong. I hope we can at least stay friends naaa. Take care and send my regards to Khun Mae". Said Mew, clearly looked like he wanted to shed tears, smiled, and turned his back against Gulf.

Seeing his broad back against my wide eyes sends me some severe hurtful heartbeat. I imagine how he will lend his warmth to his upcoming co-partner in the future. Imagining what he did to me during both of us work together applying to other person... 

Without I realised, my tears went out. It flows so fast, as a river. I cant let that happen. Phi Mew is mine. He is forever mine.

My feet run without my consent. I run so fast I nearly crash him. I stop his walking. I can only pulled his hand and make him turn towards me. Facing me. Facing my messy face. Is it wrong of me to kiss him? I already lock my lips against him. 

I dont care about the surroundings, once again. Be it the rain, the car that pass through, the dimmed street lights that displays on and off arrays, and also probably my mae's car is already there to fetch me up,

but I dont care all of that.

After a moment, I release Phi Mew's pale lips. I burst out crying in front of him. I keep it for so long. My heart keep it from this man to see. Its a nuisance as the droplets keep crashing my vision, so I made Phi Mew's jacket as our umbrella. Not much to cover, but at least I can see clearly at Mew's shocking face. 

Somehow, I calmed down. Im at ease after kissing him. It feels so good to kiss the person the we love. This is not based on work or practice,

It comes solely from my own heart. 

"I love you so much I cant allow you to call me your normal friend, khun phi. I never think of you that way. I love you. I love you. I love you phi mew. Dont go anywhere. Stay with me. Dont leave me, phi mew. I love you". 

I dont remember what happen after that. All I know is, I was crying so damn hard on his chest. Im not sure what phi Mew was doing that time, but I think he cries too. I can hear his heartbeat. I wanted to hear it again. I missed him so much. 

LINE!

Gulf turned to his bedside desk and reached his smartphone. Speak of the devil. I know Im blushing right now, because I dont expect to get such a sweet message from Phi Mew.

"Arghhhhh Im gonna meet him today!!!!! KAZZ Sports Day, here we come!"

Gulf then get off his bed, took his towel from the cabinet, and went to the bathroom.

The younger was literally humming and singing excitedly in there, after getting a line from Mew saying,

"I dream about you and I already dying to see you this evening".

\- END -

**Author's Note:**

> Hye guys :) Sorry for the shabby story I wrote for you. Its actually my debut in this platform. And nowadays Im so hooked at real-life event genre. And I wanted to write more about them. Tysm for taking your time reading this na. I appreciate your love so much!!


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